In Which a Large Rock, Again, Changes My Perspective on Life

Last week, before a brief bout of second winter hit the Czech Republic, I came home from work and was determined to enjoy spring on my own. I'm still getting used to living on my own (stocking the pantry, being the only one responsible for buying toilet paper) and being on my own (on Friday nights, I am beholden to no one). Korea, in 2008, was the first time I had lived alone during the fall. And though it was lonely, it pushed me to become more independent. Now, I am heading into my first spring alone. I am so affected by the seasons that while I may have learned to live alone in the fall, I feel like I'm starting from scratch with this whole being alone during the spring thing.

A series of jokes has led to a friend and I calling single life "Beartown." The extended metaphor is a comfort. I am watching the trees bud in Beartown for the very first time, it seems. The last time I wasn't living with a girlfriend through the thaw into the summer was 2005--and even then I was in a fairly big relationship with someone a few hundred yards away. I'm used to coming home on a beautiful day to a woman who will hang out in the grass with me. If she was busy, there were usually friends nearby with whom I might sit and watch the water.

But I find myself in Beartown, which happens to exist at around 50 degrees of latitude and thus offers sunshine well past what I am used to in early April, coming home from work with hours of daylight and good weather spread out ahead of me. And, honestly, sometimes when I close the school gate behind me and begin walking home, I feel like I have an ocean to cross before I can lay my head down. I have seconds and minutes and hours to fill up, which in the winter I was fairly content to do indoors, baking and listening to podcasts. But as the sun refuses to go down for hours after I arrive home, I need to be doing something more. Some days, I am exhausted from a long day of Hokey Pokey and battles of will with little people for whom reason is years away. Those days, the couch and a pair of knitting needles don't feel like such an admission of failure. However, after a good day of fort-building and gut-busting laughter, I am ready for more.

So, last Thursday, I decided to take a book outside and read. Having grown up in a harbor, the river pulled me to its banks. I walked along the path, looking for a spot where I could get closer to the water. What made me turn away from the water, I'll never know, but I caught a glimpse of a small cliff covered with grass, moss, and flowers. This was to be my spot. Instead of going lower to find seclusion, I would go higher. This is the direction my life has been taking--I've been picking height over depth for a while now, while not entirely conscious of the decision. This girl who suffered through sandy sandwiches every summer day of her childhood, has picked the mountains time and time again. Up I climbed and settled myself. I could see the river, I could feel the grass under my bare feet. In reality, the glacial erratics of Eastern Long Island and the cliffs that formed some ancient fortress for Prague aren't all that different, if ya' close y'r eyes. It's just rock. Rock, rock, rock. How I wanted to feel the rocks below my feet and the waves pulling the sand from around me. But this cliff, this cliff offered me something new! I could boulder here!

I climbed back down, having only read a few pages, and quickly returned to my flat, dropping the bag full of afternoon reading supplies as I opened the door. I changed, gathered up my gear, and headed back down to the small amount of exposed rock near the river. I'd never been bouldering outside before, I'd never gone rock climbing alone at all. I'm sure I was breaking all sorts of safety rules if not a few actual Czech laws. But I stretched and I climbed up a few feet. I looked to my left and set a goal. Two, three, four times, I got stuck at the same spot. I hopped down and tried to plan my route. I got back to the rough spot and could not find a place to put my left hand. I always like to take a hand hold before moving my feet. I realized that I needed to trust my instincts, moving my feet and allowing my hand to follow. When I made it across, I felt so accomplished. I had conquered so much. I had overcome my fear of going out alone and staked out a new spot for myself where I can read--content to be alone. Crossing that gap in the rock was like climbing Apsan. It wasn't really a goal I had until I found myself with nothing else. Now, beautiful days don't fill me with the dread of loneliness. I can again see endless possibilities instead of moments to fill up.

Chapter Twenty-One: "Look, it's Daegu"

This weekend Layna, an 03' Smithie, came to visit me from Seoul and go on some Daegu adventures. That coupled with Halloween made this by far my best weekend in Korea.
She arrived on Saturday morning and we headed up to Apsan by bus. We got off at a random place at the side of the mountain so I got to see another path before it led to the one I had taken up last time.

Pretty! During the whole climb we kept joking that Korea was trying to have fall even though it was nearly 70 degrees and the first of November and not many leaves had changed.

Resting!

When we made it to the top, we ate our kimbap from the kimbap ajima downstairs. Then I surprised Layna with some mini apple pies I had made! I was so proud of my stovetop baking of pies! (And my ability to cook without a recipe!) It was the perfect fall snack.

Arr, climbed a mountain again!

At the top, it felt like summer but finally looked like fall.

Cute little pinecones.

FOLLIAGE!

It makes me miss fall in Massachusetts so much. Korea cannot compare, even on the mountains. But it's an adventure!

Huge rock, must be climbed!

So I did!

So did Layna!

Our shadows in the bright sun really look like summer.

"Look, it's Daegu!"

Ice cream pops at the top of the world again.

Beautifully creepy bit of the path.

Layna, before we headed back to the cable car and to the bottom of the mountain. Then we got some coffee and rotibun in metromall. Finally, we headed off to Woobang Towerland--but that's for another post.

Chapter Fifteen: Climbing Apsan

Yesterday, I went on another one of my solo journeys. It was great and while I still feel sad about being so far from my friends, as well as having such trouble making friends, it was really important to do this for myself. I was able to push myself, keep climbing for myself, and do everything because I wanted to. I didn't feel judged, I didn't feel pressured. I was in my own world. In the past, I'd never wanted to do anything physical because I've always been so out of shape. I always feared people would judge me. Also, it seems like the only chances I've had in the past were with people who were pretty into hiking and climbing. When I'm new at something, I want to explore it on my own. I don't want people always telling me the right ant wrong way. Are the rules really that important? I also had so much time to think about everything on this adventure. What is my personality, now? In this new life I lead? In Korea, after Smith, after The Breakup, as an adult, as a teacher, as cook, as an ex-pat? What am I really doing with my life, what do I want to happen each day, each week, until I leave? What do I want to happen when I get home. I'll save the introspection for later, now for the pictures of Apsan!
This is quite a long post, feel free to just look at the pictures. I may add a video later of me talking about my experience if you're not inclined to read.

Above is the park at the base of Apsan. It was a nice park and got me ready for my climb. I was so anxious that I didn't really notice anything about it.

The most beautiful thing I've seen in Korea so far! This is what I had expected it to look like! This is the entrance to a Buddhist temple (which was active and had people worshiping so I quickly got out of there). I cannot believe the detail.


This is what I thought Korea would be like. I mean, clearly, not everywhere, but I was really happy to finally see it. It looks like the cover of my guide book and I was standing right under it! It's the most amazing ceiling I've ever seen, and it's just the entrance. And seriously, I saw some amazing things in the UK and Greece- but this beats them all.

No need for words.

You can see the people worshiping in there. I wish I could have gone closer, but again, did'nt want to intrude!

All these things were really powerful to see. I feel kind of silly blogging about them when I can't do them justice. But I need to keep a record.

Lit candles, I wonder for what?

I think at this point I had been climbing for about half an hour and I was using my zoom to try to determine how high up the peak was. Answer: Far. Real' far.

Another temple. I walked up a paved path to this point, hence the cars. I'm pretty sure if you don't take the wrong route, you might be able to drive up the mountain? Inside the temple, there are people worshiping. I didn't want to get any closer because I respect them and don't want to disturb. But I wonder what's inside, it must be so pretty!

Just a little closer to take a picture of the cute cartoon monk!

Seeing all the Buddhism made me spend a lot of time thinking about people and spirituality on this hike. I don't think I've been very good at seeing "the light" inside of everyone since I left Smith. While I'm still an atheist, I really wish I could go to Quaker meeting here.

So the path started off paved, then went to cobblestones, then somehow I ended up on a dirt path. At this point in the climb I am starting to worry that I took a wrong turn off of the tourist path because... it's definitely not easy anymore.

About 20 minutes later: What the crap? This is the path that I have to climb? This is definitely not a tourist path anymore. But there is no way I'm turning back to find the easy path. I just keep going. There are no more business men on their cellphones and everyone has real hiking gear. I think I am the only one without a walking stick. They all smile and seem to respect the foreigner for not being stereotypically lazy. Eventually, we are all so exhausted. We share those "boy howdy, I am so tired. What am I doing?" smiles.

A few minutes before I took this, I got the sense that I might actually be getting near the top. I had no clue up 'til now when I started seeing a lot more light coming from up ahead. I can't read Korean so I have no idea what the trail signs were telling me about distance. At this point, I know, it's the top. I am still in disbelief, thinking it must be some big ledge. How long has it been? Probably about an hour and a half, I can't possibly be at the top. But man, if you thought those huge rocks were hard... stairs. They really did me in. Each one was like tearing all the muscles in my body.
You know that Dylan Moran sketch about how he can't handle talking about Germany and all the advances they've made in the past 60 years because he just keeps thinking "Nazis, Nazis, Nazis" and that they look like pork? Yeah. I look like pork. I have probably never been so red in my life. I was exhausted, dripping sweat from even the front of my knees, but I never felt so good in my life. I just walked up high enough for my ears to pop! That's crazy!
Which path to choose? I ended up going one way for a long time, then turning around and coming back. It was a nice hike.

Another peak in the distance, it seemed higher, so I decided I must get over there somehow.

First glimpses of the city. I cried. I could not believe I had made it up there; I had really done what I set out to do. I couldn't believe this beautiful place is so close to home, that I live down there! This is really my life.

I've stopped being so red and I'm feeling really good. After only a few minutes of walking around the top, I felt amazing. I couldn't even imagine what I must have felt like just a few minutes before when I couldn't lift my own legs. I felt like I could keep hiking for hours, and did!

I was over on that ridge not too long ago, looking over at this one!

Everyone's feeling pretty introspective.

Again, so red-faced. Doin' a Korean pose, just like the people standing right next to me.

I sat down to eat my homemade carrot cake peanut butter sandwich (I'm really getting amazing at this stove-top baking thing!). I was in heaven, it totally hit the spot. Then this really sweet old lady, whose family I had ended up walking near pretty much the whole trek, gave me rice cake! I love old Korean ladies. I'm told that they just really, really want us to like Korea which is amazing. Did I mention that I did not see another foreigner at all yesterday? Seriously, my whole trip to Apsan, up Apsan, and back from Apsan- not a one! I guess that made me stand out. Also, I think she was thinking "What the hell is that Westerner eating? That is not hiking food." What's funny is that the two types of food have pretty much the exact same principle: carbohydrates to get you going (carrot cake and rice cake) and protein to keep you going (beans and peanut butter). I was honestly thinking that I should bring some extra to share in case any Korean ladies give me food. Next time, I will for sure. They also tend to give me free stuff when I am shopping with Nicole and Arthur. It's quite a life. Of course, I thank them emphatically.
My new hiking shoes, all nice and dirtied up. This was definitely the best large purchase I've made in a long time. I would have died in my Saucony's. They were also on sale, which made them infinitely better. Instead of 156,000 won, they were only 80,000 won. (If the won weren't doing so poorly right now, that would be roughly $80.)

My buddy here sat with me while I ate my lunch.

The Ice Cream Shop at the Top of the World! (ala Douglas Adams and The Restaurant at the End of the World). One ajima, one pack, a lot of ice cream, and a lot of dry ice becomes an ice cream shop. Not one person walked by her without buying ice cream. It was impossible to refuse. You think, "I just climbed this freakin' mountain, hell yeah I deserve some ice cream." I'm always amazed at ajimas and how they can alway sell things, but climbing a mountain with a pack full of ice cream and dry ice, that's a new level (okay, she probably took the cable car).

I pointed to a melon wrapper, she said "No melon," and handed me vanilla. So I got vanilla while I definitely would have prefered red bean. Then I saw her give melon to a kid, I guess she was saving it for them? Or do Westerners not get melon? I couldn't complain, really, because I was in such amazement that for a mere 1,000 won I could have ice cream up here!


Eating ice cream at the top of the world! I love this photo and I think it's kind of an explanation of who I am these days. I'm on my own, but happy about it. I'm at the top of a mountain that I climbed myself (gag me with the metaphor!), looking exhausted, eating ice cream, with a huge sprawl of civilization not too far behind me. Also, I look silly and happy, which I generally am, honestly.

Hey look, there's something down there. Must go investigate.

I'm pretty sure I was that high up before.

The Restaurant at the Top of the World! Much like the Ice Cream Stand at the Top of the World! I had though about the Douglas Adams correlation with the ice cream stand long before I even saw the restaurant. It seems bizarre and out of place, a definite symbol that I am getting closer to the more developed side of the mountain.

Getting deeper into the developed part of the mountain top.

On this side of the mountain there were a ton of power and phone lines. Probably for the restaurant at the top of the world!

Daegu from the fortress wall thing.

Phone booth at the top of the world! This is right near the cable car, so it's less strange. There's another restaurant nearby.
View from the cable car. I took the car down because I was afraid that I would take a wrong turn on the way down and end up on the wrong side of the mountain in some strange district and not be able to get home.

Korean totem poles! I didn't actually notice these on my way up, I was so tired already.

I know you can barely see it, but there's definitely a Korean fighter plane hanging out in those trees. You could probably go look at it, but I was too tired. Another thing I didn't notice on the way up!